Understanding Children's Misbehavior

Children's misbehavior can be managed by understanding why they do what they do. Rudolf Dreikurs developed a theory of child development based on the belief that a child who misbehaves is discouraged, believes he or she doesn't fit, and does not feel useful to others. Parents may not understand why their children think and feel this way, but should recognize what their children are experencing and respond accordingly.

The goals of misbehavior can be broken down into five cagegories: Attention, Power, Revenge, Feelings of Inadequacy, and Independence. The goal can be determined by noticing how you feel when they misbehave, how you respond, and what they do when you respond.

If the goal is: You feel: You usually: They respond by: New response:
Attention Irritated Give either positive or negative attention Being satisfied for a while, then return for more attention Give attention in unexpected ways at unexpected times
Power Angry Escalate the power struggle Escalating power struggle Withdraw from the power struggle and discuss options
Revenge Hurt Say "You hurt me" or be hurtful in return Saying they're glad they hurt you, or acting more hurt Paraphrase what they are feeling to show you understand
Feelings of Inadequacy Hopeless Give up Going away Never give up
Independence Abandoned Hang on Pulling for more indepdendence Allow appropriate independence

 
 


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